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| Angela Lansbury in The Manchurian Candidate |
If you’re suddenly worried, if one day not too long ago you noticed that you’ve become dangerously passive, how do you know that you’re not overreacting? How do you know that a tiny bit of paranoia isn’t surfacing that has more to do with you than with the person or persons in charge? You can assess your situation by
listening for the following words across the kitchen table or in a meeting:
Condone—as in I can’t condone that kind of behavior,
often used by a parent pre-emptively in reference to another child. What the parent means is, don’t ever do that,
or you won’t like the consequences.
Comply—often used
by physicians: Have you complied with
your treatment plan? That is, have you taken your meds today? But equally effective in other situations.
Cooperate—the
mother of that lovely sixties noun cooperative.
The verb and adjective aren’t as friendly: we
trust you will cooperate in this endeavor, and if we all could be just a little more cooperative . . . Now that I
think of it, wasn’t there always one person in those sixties food and
babysitting coops who managed to squeeze out a little more free time or save a
little more money than everyone else?
Concur—This one
isn’t used much outside Congressional hearings. But if you hear it—Do you
concur?—the apparent dignity with which
you are being addressed may seduce you into betraying a conviction.
Calculate—If your
boss plans to calculate the cost of a
program you’ve proposed, or your parents suggest that you calculate the true cost of something you need, you can be pretty sure that the numbers aren’t going to work in
your favor.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of Vocabulary C, clarify your thoughts, seek counsel
(but beware of therapeutic types, who are sometimes in bed with Angela
Lansbury), and communicate. Communicate is a word that can be used
for good or evil. Use it for good. Be transparent, let go of your anger as soon as
you’ve spent it, and don’t conspire to
be in charge yourself.
I’m reading Anne Lamott’s latest book, Some Assembly Required, about her new grandson and his 20-year-old
father. I’d share an excerpt, but that seems unfair when the book tour is still
in progress. So I’ll borrow some advice from an earlier book, Operating
Instructions. Surely her publisher
won’t mind that.
Strive to be “a very gentle person”--as Lamott says she tries and often fails to be but has endeavored to teach her son and readers--and be “militantly
on [your] own side.”
